Their secret
by sharingstories2
Summary: se cret ive. 1.(of a person or an organization) inclined to conceal feelings and intentions or not to disclose information: Riley and Zay have a secret, a deadly one. A/N DEALS WITH ADDICTION SUICIDE AND CANCER *TRIGGER WARNING* *character deaths*
1. Chapter 1

If anyone saw Zay climb out of Riley's in the early hours they would think something untoward was happening. That could not be further from the truth. Unfortunately thier friends could never know the secret, a secret that could tear apart the fabric of what their friendship was.

It had all started when Riley was fifteen, she had become ill, gravely so and when she was given the verdict. Well she hoped and prayed that she would live to see her sixteenth birthday. It was such a terrible world, for a sixteen year old to contract a disease that could kill her. That would kill her, the doctors thought that she wouldn't live past the age of twenty one. She had begged her mum and dad not to tell anyone until she knew for certain it would kill her, so far they had kept the promise. Unfortunately when she was sent to counselling for attempting to take her own life she found Zay. Alcoholism is becoming more common in teens apparently. Unfortunately Zay was a teen that was affected and his drinking was the thing that was killing him. When they both realised what the other had they promised to help each other, to keep each others secrets.

Riley was walking through the halls of high school, her mind on the gruelling chemo- therapy she'd been having. It sucked, she wasn't going to lie. Her entire life sucks, she began to dwell on the negatives when she opened her locker and ticked off a day. Three months of no suicide attempts.  
"Hey Riles!" she heard, turning she saw Lucas, grinning at her.  
"Lucas" she replied, her heart used to flutter at the mere mention of his name, now she just felt nothing.  
"So how you doing?" she was about to reply when Zay turned up, his hands shaking. Riley smiled at him before turning to Lucas.  
"I'm good but I have to borrow Zay for a minute" and then she grabbed the boy before Lucas could say anything.

She pulled him into a closet, holding his hands.  
"I told you not to go cold turkey Zay, it won't help" he laughed mercilessly.  
"Riley… if I start I won't stop and I need to be sober." She nodded and grabbed his medication from her bag.  
"Take some Zay, you can't think straight" he nodded gingerly and took his pills.  
"I dunno if I can function Riley" she sighed, his addiction had become so much worse lately and he had tried. He came to her any time he needed a drink and she calmed him.  
"Zay, just breathe okay. You can do this, I have faith in you" he nodded and together they left the closet.

Riley managed to make it through the day, Zay had cheered up slightly after taking his medication but Riley just felt rotten. She had made pleasantries and had somehow convinced her friends she was okay. Well everyone but Zay, he didn't say anything, whisking her away at the end of the day. He took her to the back room in Topanga's and wondered how his friends hadn't realised something was wrong.  
"Are you up for the counselling?" he asked, she nodded but got up and threw up in a bin.  
"I...i just need to lie down. I'll be fine" he shook his head.  
"Riley…" he couldn't say anything as her nose started to bleed, he grabbed her a tissue. They said nothing, this had become a routine. Help each other without involving medical officials. When Riley was done she got up and walked away. Zay watched her go, he couldn't tell her she was getting worse, she hated talking about it but he needed her to get help. She wasn't just cancerous anymore, she was toxic. She was dying.


	2. Chapter 2

Maya was watching her best friend, she was pale and sickly. That much was true but unfortunately her best friend wouldn't tell her and the only answer she got from Mr Matthews was.  
"Secrets keep people safe" whatever that meant. In fact the only one who did seem to know what was going on was Zay. She had asked him but all she got was a nod and the silent treatment. She was worried and she could tell the others were too.

Farkle thought they were dating, it was quite conceivable, and they were always so… _cosy._ He had asked slyly but he was blocked at every turn. He was worried and he could the other were too.

Lucas wanted to know what was going on, they were his best friend and ex-lover, and he needed to know they were okay. He was worried.

Riley felt sick, sick enough that she wanted help. She had muddled through the day but had nearly used three pack of tissues to soak up the blood soaking through her nose, then some more she had coughed up. She was weak, she knew her disease was killing her and slowly by the look of it. She stuttered through the hallway before collapsing up against the lockers, Zay who had turned a corner ran to her.  
"Riley… riley" he yelled. He ran into Mr Matthews's classroom and told him what had happened, Corey called for an ambulance, telling the teaching assistant to carry on. Corey and Zay rode in the ambulance.  
"She'll be fine… she has to be" Mr Matthews said nothing as the stifling realisation that he was going to lose his daughter hit home. He couldn't lose her.

When everyone got to the hospital the doctors sat them down.  
"I'm sorry" he said, everyone held their breath.  
"We've never seen anything like it, her cancer has spread so rapidly that we unfortunately can't stop it. She's toxic. I'm afraid the only thing you can do is make her comftable, I don't know how long she has but it won't be long" and then the doctor turned and left.

Topanga broke down in Corey's arms and Auggie looked lost, Zay growled. He was angry, at himself, at the world, at her. She promised she wouldn't leave. She was leaving and it was for reals, it was permanent. He stood up and walked over to the nearest store, he needed it. He needed his safe haven. He grabbed the bottle of whisky when he turned to face Lucas.  
"What are you doing?" Zay laughed and tried to keep a straight face. He may be mad at her but it wasn't his secret to tell.  
"I… I really don't know" he replied. Lucas pried the bottle from his hands and placed it back on the shelf.  
"Are you okay?" the Texan asked. Zay nodded  
"Yeah" he said, trying to keep the desperation at bay. Lucas looked at his best friend, he was not okay. Neither was Riley. Zay gulped  
"Lucas…I …I gotta Urm go?" and then he dashed out of the store, straight home. Straight to his empty house with empty words, straight back to his empty world.

Riley knew her friends had to know, she couldn't die on them without telling them why. So after arguing with her parents that it was time she texted her friends to meet her at Topanga's. The place was empty when she got there and she waited for everyone to arrive. The silence was deafening as Lucas, Farkle and Maya sat staring at her. She decided to be blunt with them.  
"I'm dying" she let that settle for a minute before continuing.  
"I won't live till next year, it started last year. I began getting sick and was diagnosed with cancer. They said I would die and I kept living for nearly two years anyway. Recently I relapsed and they said I was as good as dead. I'm sorry"


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week, a week since her friends found out, a week since Lucas and Zay had seen her and a week since everyone at school had found out. Maya, Smackle and Farkle had become her carer, her cancer protectors. Riley had tried to find Zay but he hadn't been in school and his mother hadn't seen him in a week. It had been a week and Zay had fallen off the wagon.

Riley was sat in her father's class when Lucas walked in.  
"I'm sorry Mr Matthew, Riley is needed in the headmasters office" Riley followed Lucas but not to the office. She followed him to the boy's toilets where her friends stood watch over Zay. He was grasping a bottle of vodka and swaying back and forth. Riley sighed, she had been here before. She walked over to him  
"Zay give it to me" she demanded, everyone stared at her.  
"No" he defied. Riley walked to the door.  
"Walk in a straight line to me and you can have it" needless to say he couldn't do it. She placed a hand on top of his.  
"Please Zay... you can beat this" Zay laughed, a kind of laugh that made grown men cry.  
"No… not without you" he cried out. Riley cringed, she should've known he would be taking this to heart.  
"I'm here Zay…" he shook his head vigorously.  
"You're going to die Riley and then I'm all alone" that hurt, she'd admit. Riley managed to get the bottle out of his hands and threw it across the floor.  
"Then honour me when I'm gone Zay… quit drinking and honour me" and then she let the adults take over.

Maya sat across from Riley  
"Riley, how did you get the bottle from him?" Riley sat down, wringing her hands.  
"He used to turn up drunk of his ass, I learned that you keep him talking and make him lower his guard. Once you take the bottle he won't want it for a while." Maya leant back  
"When you're… gone we have to save him don't we?" Riley nodded.  
"If he won't save himself."


	4. Chapter 4

When the call came Zay knew, he just knew it was time to say goodbye so he put down his bottle, he didn't want Riley's last memories of him to be bad. He jumped in the shower and got to the hospital as soon as she could. He smiled at her parents who smiled back, realising that he was indeed sober. He walked into her room, tubes were in and out of her nose. The girl smiled at him, her face pale and sickly. Zay frowned, he had pf course seen her ill but it only hit home that she was dying and his light would go to.  
"Thank you for being sober" she said. He nodded and sat down.  
"I don't want you to go… I know I'm being selfish but…" he trailed off, a lump forming in his throat. Riley nodded, breathing heavily.  
"I don't want to die Zay but I can't fight this" he swallowed, tears forming. Zay hugged his friend, sobbing.  
"You know Auggie told me that I had to keep fighting once, he said that the world wasn't ready for me to become another star in the sky"  
"You'd be the brightest one there" Zay told her. Riley laughed  
"I'm not ready for you to become another star Zay… you have to fight it Zay. Fight it for me and I'll promise that I will shine bright so you can still see me."

Zay sat with Riley for the rest of the night, even as friends and family came and went Zay sat there, watching his friend slip away from the world. When Riley knew it was time to go she said goodbye to everyone before turning to Zay.  
"I'll shine for you Zay" he wanted to laugh at how corny she was but he couldn't because she was dying and he supposed so was he.

That night he went home, his mother sat on the couch, expecting him to be drunk.  
"Mum?" he said, she pulled him into a hug as he cried into her shoulder.  
"It's okay Zay… it'll be okay" but Zay knew it wouldn't be okay. He had to get better, he had to honour riley Matthews. Zay grabbed a plastic bag.  
"I need to get rid of it all mum…" his mum smiled and helped him throw away anything that could cause a relapse.

That night as Zay fell asleep he made a promise to himself, he made a promise that he would get better. The world may have been ready for Riley to become a star in the sky but it sure as hell wasn't ready for Zay to join in.


	5. Dear readers

Dear readers.

This is to address something that quite a few people have noticed, whether you have only read this story or others you may have noticed that a lot of my stories carry dark themes such as

· Suicide

· Mental illness

· Rape

· Abuse (of any kind)

· Self-harm

So I feel the need to stress this and I need your help. If you have read any of my stories and they have triggers, even if the trigger seems really remote could you please leave a review or private message, as much as the stories I write are for the reader's enjoyment sometimes they can be very triggering. Thank you.

That is not the reason I have written this note. I am here today to tell everyone that they are worth it, even if you don't believe it, I do. You are all stronger than what ails you and what ails you can be defeated, I believe that everyone has an inner battle inside them but you can survive. If you are experiencing anything, whether it be mental illness or you have been through a traumatic experience, hell even if you just feel sad or upset it is okay to get help. It is okay. I understand this is scary and it could mean that you will have to experience changes that you are not ready for but it will all be worth it. You can get there.

I want to wish everyone reading this all the happiness in the world, you deserve it. Remember you all have beautiful souls and its okay to feel sad and alone or whatever you are feeling. I want you to know that even if you feel like no one believes in you, I do.

Thank you all, I hope you all find happiness and joy in your lives.

\- Sharingstories2


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